El Chapo Had A Cartel Member (His Cousin) Killed When He Called Out For A Sick Day But Wasn't Sick

It’s Kmarko again, back on the El Chapo beat.  The most interesting trial in the world dropped a new gem yesterday, another look into the brutality of Chapo’s reign atop the Sinaloa cartel:

Jurors seated on the drug trafficking trial of Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman heard Tuesday about how he had his cousin and longtime underling whacked in 2011 — because he caught the guy playing hooky. [NY POST]

You read that right: Chapo’s cousin, his own blood, taken into a dark, dank room and shot in the back of the head for using oneeeeeeee too many sick days.

Juan “Juancho” Guzman made the mistake of telling the cartel boss he was out of town, only to be spotted soon after at a “public park” in Culican, Mexico, according to former Sinaloa cartel capo Damaso Lopez Nunez.

“My compadre became angry, because he had lied to him,” said Lopez, referencing the drug lord and Juancho.

Lopez said the kingpin ordered his lying lackey to be picked up and interrogated in Dec. 2011, and then told an assassin to kill Juancho, who also went by the nickname “Virgo.”

Ah okay, it looks like he went with “personal day” over “sick day.”  A big difference, sure, but an absence from work nonetheless. And Juancho made a huuuuuge misread on his employer thinking he could get away with being dishonest about it.  Just wanted to go ice skating with his boyfriend and didn’t realize Chapo Schrute was on the case.  And unfortunately for Juancho, this one ends with something a little rougher than a full disadulation.

“[Chapo] ordered [the assassin] to take [Juancho] toward Culican, to kill him, and to leave him on the outskirts of Culican,” Lopez testified — adding that his boss also ordered the slaying of Guzman’s secretary just because he was with him.

“They both have to suffer the same fate,” Chapo seethed at the time.

Kind of a strict policy down there in the cartel.  I get having a hard ass boss who understands the sunk cost of employees missing work.  It’s tough at Barstool too, personal days I don’t think actually exist here, and Dave will yell at you if you come in sick and force you to go home, but then yell at you and humiliate you on national radio for not coming in.

He doesn’t shoot us in the face but the mean tweets are just as painful if not worse.

Lesson learned here: El Chapo or El Portnoy, whichever office you work in, take your vitamin C and be at your desk at 8 AM.

(via The New York Post)